


Soft Serenades in My Mind

by hoddypeak



Category: Anne of Green Gables - L. M. Montgomery, Anne with an E (TV)
Genre: Confessions, Developing Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Misunderstandings, Pining, Season 3, not me, who's ready to be clowned in the upcoming episodes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-30
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2021-01-13 11:53:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21243650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hoddypeak/pseuds/hoddypeak
Summary: Anne is certain she will never have the romance she's read about in her novels. Having to be around Gilbert doesn't help her come to terms with this fact.Fortunately for her, Gilbert wants to clear some things up before it's too late.





	1. You make it impossible for me to stop thinking about you

**Author's Note:**

> Hi again. I'm not even going to try to predict how this season will go down from E6 onwards. I never end up being just the clown, I am the entire god damn circus lmao.
> 
> So this fic will with 100% certainty clash with E7 somehow, but I won't let it stop me. Just let me have my Shirbert content okay :(  
First time writing a multi-chaptered Shirbert fic! I hope you enjoy it :D

How could one country fair be both an amazing and very disastrous experience at the same time? Whenever Anne reminisced a happy memory she had of the event, the image of a certain handsome guy walking hand in hand with an unfairly beautiful lady invaded her mind and the happy memory was gone with a loud pop as if it had never existed. 

Anne sat on the same spot where she had been at war with herself moments before heading to the fair, wondering whether Gilbert loved her or not. The now-witted flower and its petals lay on the floor of Belle’s stall, reminding her of that day and how silly her pondering seemed now that she was forced to look back on it. 

She had always known she wasn’t ideal beauty, and that her temper had never served her or anybody else right, and that her overly passionate mind had never done her any favours, so her thinking that Gilbert might return her feelings when there were women like Winifred out there sounded ridiculous even in her ears. It was clear that Winifred was everything Anne wasn’t and she could offer Gilbert everything Anne couldn’t. And if things didn’t work out between the two of them, there was no doubt in Anne’s mind that he could find another, just equally perfect woman by his side. 

Anne wanted to kick those flower petals out of her sight, but she let them be – they would act as a reminder for her to start thinking rationally before diving into her daydreams so deeply it took her days to recover from the disappointment that engendered from them.

She was snapped from her sulking when Jerry’s cheerful whistling pierced through the silence. Its sudden appearance startled Anne slightly, and she glanced over her shoulder and watched him walk into the barn. That boy had been in such high spirits since the country fair, and Anne was annoyed by the fact that his happiness annoyed her. 

“What’s gotten you so gleeful today?” she asked rather sharply.

Jerry just shrugged and widened his smile. “Nothing,” he said and took the manure fork that leant against the barn wall.

It was rather obvious to Anne why his head was in the clouds. She simply wanted to know who had succeeded in that, and whether that girl felt the same for Jerry, or if he was doomed to live in the same tragical unrequited love story as Anne had wished upon herself on that exact spot a couple days ago. 

Who on earth had she tried to fool when she had convinced herself that unrequited love was by far the most romantic kind? It was the worst of them all, no other kind of love came even close to feeling so terrible as how Anne felt right now.

Jerry disappeared upstairs, still whistling and holding that manure fork, leaving her alone with her sulkiness. 

Anne sighed and looked at the beautiful horse next to her. “Oh, Belle, am I ever going to feel normal again? How long does it usually take for a girl to realise that there’s much more to life than some silly boy?”

Belle just kept on chewing on the hay.

“Well, of course he isn’t silly – he’s dreamy. He’s mature, kind, honest and handsome, and his smile leaves me gasping for air. His chin truly is splendid, I couldn’t help paying attention to it at the fair…it’s like the universe knew all my weaknesses and chose to exploit it by sending him from Heaven. Oh, all these new feelings leave me flabbergasted and I don’t know what I am supposed to do with them!”

“Well, for starters you could stop talking to that horse and let the boy know how you feel. It might help,” Jerry’s voice heard from her back.

Anne turned her head to look at him. Jerry had apparently come back down to retrieve something he had forgotten to bring with him the first time around, as he was already walking to the ladder.

“I could never! He already has his intended and they look ever so happy together. They’re the couple you read about in perfect romance novels. They’re both sculpted by the most gifted sculptor. Why can’t my life be like that? I must’ve done something wicked in my previous life to be so unfortunate in this one.”

“This isn’t a book, Anne. This is the real world. Maybe you wouldn’t feel so beaten up by the reality if you didn’t expect it to be like a made-up story,” Jerry said sounding a bit frustrated. 

Before Anne had time to say a word to him, Jerry had already disappeared in the hayloft. 

Of course it was easy for him to say things like that when everything seemed to be going so perfectly in his own life. How was she expected to not see her life through those books of hers when they were practically the only thing that kept her going before Matthew and Marilla took her in and she could leave her distasteful life behind? Her books used to be her life.

She needed to stop thinking about Gilbert. There was more to her than her stupid and absurd crush on him, and she didn’t want to spend her days mourning over him and feeling sad for herself.

After concluding that Belle wasn’t going to bring her the comfort she had come seeking here and that it was for the best if she busied herself with something else, she jumped off the fence and gave the horse a generous pat on the neck before leaving the barn. On her way out, she heard Jerry call for her and she stopped dead in her tracks to look up.

“Tell Diana I say hi when you go see her today,” he asked, looking down at her from where the ladder ended with a grin. He was holding that manure fork and leaning onto it.

“Since when are you friends with her?” Anne asked suspiciously. “Last time she didn’t seem to have any interest in you when you came up to us.”

He just shrugged, his smile widening. “Isn’t it polite to say hi to someone despite what they think of you?”

She wanted to say something, but the words got stuck in her throat. The realisation that after visiting Diana, she had to visit no other than Gilbert Blythe because of her promise of helping him and Bash with Delphi. This meant that her attempt to stop thinking about that dark-haired beautiful human being would be a total failure before she could even try to succeed in it.

She simply nodded as a response as the words still failed to find her mouth and she exited the barn. It was a good thing Diana knew about her…situation so that she could seek for that comforting support she didn’t receive from Belle before entering Gilbert and Bash’s home.

The depths of despair were within her reach.


	2. In my dreams things are different between you and me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up: in this story I will have to ignore Josie's storyline because I don't have any clue how to handle it. Please don't be mad at me. I hope they're handling it well in the next episode and Billy will receive the punishment he so deserves.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

When Anne arrived at the Barrys’ later that day, she received a warm welcome from Diana who had ran out of the house the moment she had seen the approaching figure of her best friend, eager to get away from the silence that filled her home. They went out for a long walk so that Minnie May couldn’t eavesdrop on their conversation. Although that little girl didn’t understand most of the things that she heard, Diana’s parents most certainly would.

Seeing Diana had lifted up Anna’s spirits, too, and momentarily she managed to put all her worries aside and she just enjoyed talking with her bosom friend. That wonderful moment ended just as fast as it had started, or at least that was how Anne felt. 

When Diana brought it up, she looked like she had tried her best to hold off the subject but she couldn’t avoid it any longer. She wore an apologetic smile as she said: “So how are you feeling? It’s been a few days, have you managed to get over him?”

The corners of Anne’s mouth lowered drastically. She didn’t feel much like smiling anymore. “Have I managed to get over him? My dearest Diana, I don’t think I can ever get fully over him. I have tried my absolute best, but whenever I stop thinking about Gilbert, he still finds a way to crawl back into my head! I even had a dream about him the other night and I was so mortified when I woke up!”

“You dreamt about Gilbert?” Diana repeated with a surprised tone. “What was it about?”

Anne groaned, very unpleased with the direction their conversation was going. “Oh Diana, I would love to forget about it, I was doing such an impressive job at that in the morning, I don’t know why I brought it up now. It was so embarrassing.”

“It was just a dream,” Diana tried to assure her.

“Dreams are about the deepest desires of our souls,” Anne responded gloomily.

Diana’s lips curled into a smile that revealed her front teeth. “Oh my, did you kiss him?” she asked, her voice on the verge of laughter.

Anne’s eyes widened in shock. “My goodness, Diana, no I didn’t! He was…he…he came to Green Gables at night and woke me up by singing a serenade under my window.”

“But that doesn’t sound so bad,” Diana replied with a frown. “Isn’t that something you’ve always wanted to happen anyway?”

“Of course, who wouldn’t want to hear a serenade dedicated to them? But it’s one thing to dream about it awake and one thing to do so in your sleep. I didn’t know I wanted it so much that it would come for me in my most fragile state. I bet it’s this stupid crush I have on Gilbert,” she said, spitting out the last part like she had just been fed a raw sprout.

Diana eyed her for a few seconds with her mouth shaped into an O, feverishly trying to come up with something to say that would cheer her best friend up. She didn’t feel she was very good at comforting speeches, though, so everything that came to her mind sounded feeble.

“I’m sure you will get over your crush soon enough and you will stop dreaming about him,” she finally said.

Anne sighed. “I wish I could share your certainty, but my deepest fears are telling me it isn’t happening. My feelings are as persistent as they were the day I finally realised what they meant. They’re so strong I can barely breathe around him. Oh Diana, how am I supposed to spend an entire afternoon at his house when I am like this! I will make an absolute fool of myself!”

Anne didn’t realise she had been speed-walking for all her rambling, and she was now several feet from Diana. She had been almost shouting though, and her bosom friend’s face made it evident she had heard everything she said. 

She was beginning to lose every ounce of the high spirits seeing Diana had awoken within her, and she wanted to hold onto the last bits of it before she permanently fell in despair. She could also imagine how pathetic she looked in her friend’s opinion.

“Jerry wanted me to deliver his greetings to you,” Anne changed the subject, not quite sure if that would turn the conversation in another direction. She didn’t think it was an interesting topic after all.

Diana thought otherwise. Her face lit up for a split second before she turned serious again. “Did he? Did he say anything else?”

“Oh, he said quite enough alright,” Anne responded, thinking back to the conversation they had had in the barn. When she turned to look at Diana, horror was written all over her features and Anne rushed to add: “Nothing about you though! He was just trying to give me some advice but I didn’t find it very useful. He’s awful happy these days, I wonder what’s gotten into him…I mean, it’s quite obvious he’s in love, but he doesn’t want to share the details.”

Diana’s face split into a smile again and she looked at Anne rather fondly. Anne, however, was so eager to use Jerry as a way to lead their conversation away from Gilbert she didn’t notice her friend’s softened expression. “Anyway, when I was in a need for a distraction from my ridiculous thoughts, I was thinking about Jerry and I’ve come to a very likely conclusion.”

“You– you have?” Diana asked carefully, taking a few steps towards Anne. 

Anne smiled triumphantly because the conversation was no longer focused on her. “He has to be in love with somebody he can’t be with. Otherwise he would’ve said something. Can you imagine how romantic that is? Forbidden love where two of the most unlikely souls meet.”

“Indeed…”

“They probably have to be extremely careful and discreet about it, perhaps they sneak out at night so that they can spend some time together. I wonder who she is…”

“I wonder…”

“I truly do hope it’s not Josie Pye, he’s too good for her, though I couldn’t imagine her falling for somebody like Jerry.”

“Josie? No, never!” Diana blurted out before she could stop herself. She looked anywhere but at Anne, her interest drawn to the road ahead of them.

Anne came to a halt and examined her for a brief moment, studying her horror-struck face and putting the puzzle pieces together.

“Diana, are you–“

Her friend cut her question in half by whispering: “Gilbert is behind you!”

And that really was enough for Anne to lose her train of thought. She spun around in a blur and there he was, walking towards them, looking like every girl’s daydream. Her heart was going to break through her ribcage at any second.

“Hey, Anne,” he said happily, “I visited Green Gables and I was told you’d be at the Barrys’.”

“You–,“ she began, but her voice was very high-pitched so she coughed in an attempt to fix it. “You were looking for me?”

“I was,” he confirmed. “I was passing by and I thought it’d be great if we could walk to my house together and talk. If that’s fine with you, of course.”

Anne could feel her cheeks turn red and from the corner of her eye she saw Diana’s eyes on her and her lips curled up into an excited smile. If Anne’s mind hadn’t been so busy with her inner freak-out session, she would’ve probably noticed how Gilbert was nervously switching his weight from foot to another as he studied Anne’s blank expression.

“Yes,” was the only thing she managed to say without her voice cracking again. 

Her nerves were rocketing across the sky. 

Talk? What on earth did Gilbert Blythe want to talk about with her?

After saying goodbye to Diana, they began their walk towards Gilbert’s house.   
Anne’s mind suddenly travelled back to her dream and the serenade and her blush deepened even further.

Thank Heavens Gilbert didn’t know how to read minds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> any sort of feedback would be so greatly appreciated as always <3   
thank you for such lovely comments and all that kudos the first chapter received! I hope this one was just as nice in your opinion :)


	3. Don't run away when I open up to you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter!!! (or is it, I have a question regarding that in the end notes!!)

At first they didn’t talk at all, and in an outsider’s eyes it would’ve looked like two strangers had been forced to walk together and they were trying their best to not feel awkward about it. There was some invisible glass between them and neither seemed to have the tools to break it.

Anne didn’t have the courage to speak up because she didn’t want to know what Gilbert wanted to talk about with her. It couldn’t possibly be anything but bad news. Like he had realised her crush on him and he was disgusted by it and he wanted to have nothing to do with her.

She knew Gilbert would never say that to her, but her anxious mind didn’t let her rest. 

In their silence, she kept on repeating one sentence in her head to the point it didn’t sound like words anymore.

_Gilbert has done nothing wrong, you have not told him about your feelings and he doesn’t have to return them, he has all the right to be with Winifred and you have no right to snap at him because of it, no matter how much it hurts._

“Anne,” he said, breaking the everlasting silence (in reality it had only gone on for a couple of minutes). Her name sounded so soft on his lips and it took Anne all her willpower to not ask him repeat it once or twice or thrice more. 

She looked up from the road she had been examining quite intently all that time, and her eyes locked with Gilbert’s. She felt proud of herself for being able to maintain the eye contact without looking back down.

“Yes?” she said unsurely and waited for him to continue.

Gilbert came to a halt and Anne mimicked him, her gaze still focused on him. She felt she was somehow unable to stop staring now that she had finally found it in herself to not be the first to break the eye contact.

His eyes looked so soft. So warm, loving and kind. It took Anne’s breath away to even think that he was looking at her like that. _Why_ was he looking at her like that?

Gilbert bit his inner lip and lowered his eyebrows before he spoke: “Is it true what you said to Diana?”

Anne took a sharp intake of breath and she was sure the ground beneath her feet was disappearing. She instantly realised what he was referring to. When she rambled on about her crush on Gilbert and how it was never going to go away, she had spoken loudly in her frustration and bitterness. 

“I didn’t realise I was speaking that loudly,” she said in a faint whisper and her words were nearly drowned in the wind.

“Sorry, I didn’t catch that,” Gilbert said and got closer to her.

“Yes, it was true, but I didn’t know you were within earshot, if I had, I would’ve restrained myself from saying those things, it was inappropriate of me to speak about my feelings like that and I am deeply sorry and I understand that you are with Winifred and I am really happy for you, in fact I have never been happier for somebody, I hope you can forgive me because our friendship means a lot to me and it would be such a shame to let it wit because of me, but I also understand if you cannot stand to be around me anymore, I can only imagine how uncomfortable it feels to spend time with a person you know likes you but you don’t like them back.”

She said it all very fast and it was a wonder Gilbert caught any of it; the words had just flooded out of Anne’s mouth and she couldn’t stop them coming. Now she really just wanted to run and dig herself a nice and cosy hole in which she could bury herself and hide, but her legs didn’t want to move. It was like they were paralysed from the fear that was surging through her body.

“How, how long have you been feeling like that?” Gilbert asked.

“Why do you want to know that? So that you can laugh at me and humiliate me even further?” Anne snapped, unable to stop herself. She always became very blunt with her replies when she shielded herself from unpleasant emotions. Anger was beginning to build up within her and she didn’t know how to make it stop. 

“What? No, of course not!” he replied, aghast at the outburst. “Anne, I am not with Winifred.”

“You– what?” she blurted out. That reveal caused all her negative emotions to fade away and all she felt was utter confusion. “She’s not your intended?”

“No, no…it’s not like that with her. I just know her from the doctor’s office and I happened to go to the country fair with her, but there’s nothing romantical whatsoever in our friendship.”

Anne stared at him with her lips slightly parted in confusion. “But…I don’t understand, you met her parents and you held her hand at the fair…how does that not mean you’re together?”

“I suppose it started as us hoping we would develop into something more, but in the end I realised she isn’t for me and I could never see her as anything but a good friend.”

This new piece of information left her completely speechless. She had been so certain about them being together, even Diana had seen them and agreed there was something between Gilbert and Winifred. 

“Wait,” she said abruptly. “Why did you want me to know all of this?”

Now it was Gilbert’s turn to look nervous. He tried to smile confidently, but even with the farrago that was the current state of her mind, she could see the uncertainty in his eyes. 

“I wanted to walk with you because I realised something yesterday on my way from Charlottetown. The conversation we had after you fled when they tasted your cake and when you wished me all the happiness? I didn’t understand what you meant by it, but I’ve had quite some time to think about it and realise the misunderstanding. The only reason why I went to the country fair with Winifred, or why I ever even considered her anything more but a friend was because I was certain I had already reached the dead-end when it comes to you.”

“The dead-end?” Anne repeated, her voice shaking. “Can you elaborate on that?”

“Whenever I felt like we became a little bit closer, you always ran away or said something that made me feel like you were never going to feel what I feel for you. I could never really figure you out, but that’s also one of the reasons why I fell for you. What you said to me at the fair gave me new hope, and accidentally eavesdropping on your and Diana’s conversation about me made me so happy I was smiling like a fool. It took me a while to recollect myself and appear normal before I could face you. And even after I heard you say you had feelings for me, I was still a bit nervous to suggest walking with you because I didn’t know how you’d react to me having heard it.”

Anne’s mouth was still open in amazement. Gilbert had liked her for a long time? And she had been the one pushing him away from her and causing him to go with Winifred?

“Oh, Gilbert, the only reason why I was acting like that was because I was oblivious to my own feelings and I didn’t want to admit I had fallen for you. You made me feel things I didn’t want to feel because you were my rival, and I now realise how silly that was of me. I finally admitted to liking you just a day before the country fair, and Diana had given me hope that you might like me back, so I was frantically running to the fortune teller and she told me I would have a future with a boy whose description matched you perfectly, I nearly swooned right on the spot. Then I saw you with Winifred and my heart fell into the darkness and I thought I had lost you before I was given a chance.”

Gilbert’s face was split into the biggest grin Anne had ever seen on him. “You will never lose me, that I can promise you.”

Anne’s smile began to reflect his own, and for a moment they didn’t say a word. She couldn’t believe they had just confessed to one another, and it felt unbelievable how just a while ago she was nearly ready to lock herself in her room after this afternoon and never to show her face again.

“So, what now?” Gilbert asked, still smiling.

“I don’t know,” Anne said in a whisper. “In books people would usually kiss now but that would be _way_ too inappropriate. I was told life is not a book and I think I agree with that.”

“There’s plenty of time for that, milady,” he said amusedly. 

He then reached out his hand for Anne to take and they continued their journey to Gilbert’s house hand in hand. The contact sent tingling sensations all over her body and she didn’t think she had ever been so happy about something in her life. 

“Did you seriously go to a fortune teller to find out if I liked you back?” Gilbert asked, trying his best to not laugh. 

However, when Anne swat his arm with her free hand, he burst out laughing.

“Shush,” she said, but a hearty laughter escaped from her mouth, too.

It was true that romance in real life was nowhere close to being how it was described in the books.  
It was much better than that, Anne knew that now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you guys want me to write a 4th chapter that focuses on Anne finding out about Diana & Jerry as well as her and Gilbert doing something cute together? :) I think it would be a nice addition to this mini fic.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed! Any sort of feedback makes my heart sing <3  
I love you all.


End file.
